Sunday, August 21, 2011

No Apologies

My fatal handicap is nothing has ever come easy for me. It could be the most minuscule, effortless task for everyone, their Mom, Grandma and second cousins. But for me, oh no. This task will take hours upon hours of grueling, laborious effort. Clawing, struggling, striving, bleeding, sweating, crying and barely getting there. Tediously I will review, analyze, reflect while screaming at myself and eventually...I get it.

In example, I have a vast, vast knowledge of philosophy and a decent vocabulary. Digesting this information is seemingly effortless for most. But me? Not a snowball's chance in hell. I had to go to war with knowledge. Highlight, underline, read, re-read, reevaluate and inevitably go insane.

Sometimes I curse at this flaw but at the end of the day it has made me both stronger and wiser. I appreciate all that I have gained because I had to work my ass off to get there and cope with the embarrassment of it being easy for everyone around me and I'm sitting there damn near tearing my hair out. Perhaps I'll never look smooth or suave. I don't think it's in my DNA. I feel my life is filled with moments that mimic the movie Bridget Jones's Diary (pop culture reference, get off my rhetorical nuts!)  I can never be the one to show up on the first day and sync up with everyone else. Instead I fall down a firepole and my entire ass is shown to all of Britain. There are many elements of ridiculous about me but it's all in my charm. ;)

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